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January Sale: 50% off all Seren books

January Sale 50% off

The big January sale has now begun – all our books are 50% off for one week only.

Seren January Sale 50% off

The time for gift giving might be over but all that means is you have the perfect excuse to treat yourself instead.

If you’re looking for a new novel to grip you, we suggest Jayne Joso’s critically acclaimed My Falling Down House, a story of modern Japanese identity.

Tony Curtis’ New & Selected collection, From the Fortunate Isles, is a must-read for poetry lovers, and The Other Tiger, the new bilingual anthology of South and Latin American poetry translated by Richard Gwyn, will open up a new continent of undiscovered riches for you.

For nature lovers we recommend Iolo Williams’ Wild Places: Wales’ Top 40 Nature Sites – this is a book to get you out of the house, making the most of the beautiful wildlife sites within reach.

Explore our Poetry, Fiction and Non-Fiction categories, where all our books are half price until midnight on Friday 13th January.

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Get your books in time for Christmas: last recommended posting date

get your books in time for Christmas

5 days ‘til Christmas – where has the time gone? If you’re still sorting out your presents then never fear, you can still order our books and receive them before Christmas day.

Today is the last recommended posting date for our postage service on www.serenbooks.com. If you’re searching for last-minute literary gifts then don’t delay – orders placed any later than 5pm today can’t be guaranteed for Christmas.

Top gift ideas:

An un-put-downable novel
swimming_on_dry_land_72RRP £9.99
£4.99 (today only!)
Helen Blackhurst’s tense and atmospheric debut novel, Swimming on Dry Land, is half price today (20/12/16) as our featured Advent Calendar offer. Set in outback Australia, the book follows the Harvey family’s search for a dream life, and the dark turn it takes after daughter Georgie disappears.

 

A glimpse at stunning history and craft
Welsh Quilts Jen Jones£12.99
Jen Jones’ authoritative guide to the history of quilting in Wales is visually stunning, and a truly fascinating insight into traditional Welsh quilting methods and styles. Welsh Quilts is the ideal gift for the quilter, crafter, or heritage lover in your life.

 

A glorious wildlife and nature eye-opener
Wild Places by Iolo Williams£19.99
Iolo Williams’ new guide book, Wild Places, will take you and your loved ones off the beaten track for your Christmas walks, with 40 wildlife sites across Wales to choose from. Make the most of the great outdoors with this informative and lavishly illustrated guide that, if used properly, will be crumpled from much use in the years to come.

 

See our full literary list – everything from fiction, to biography, poetry, art and more – on the Seren website, and have a lovely literary Christmas.

 

 

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Friday Poem – ‘Without Narcissus’, Rhiannon Hooson

without narcissus rhiannon hooson

Last night, we welcomed a chilly December in Chapter Arts, with Rhiannon Hooson reading poems from her debut collection, The Other CityIt seemed appropriate to have Friday’s Poem from this beguiling new release, for those who missed out.

screenshot-2016-12-02-12-02-07
Rhiannon reading to a full house at December’s First Thursday event

the-other-city_quicksand-cover-copyWith a sharp focus and beautiful resonance, the deeply felt poems from The Other City  tend to travel in distinct streams: some reference and re-make narratives from classical Greek myth; some rework elements of Welsh history, both ancient, and modern. There are also a number of poems exploring the idea of otherness and the uncanny, where actions are done and undone, and the familiar made unfamiliar.

 

Without Narcissus

The lack of his blindness shocks the silver water black.
Your palm’s slap against its surface is looped silence:
bare shoulders with their heron stoop,
the wet ropes of your black hair, the empty water
and the stiff-leafed lilies which break for sharp fingers,
their pink throats silent and smiling. Speak.

Over the water the red rock leans and watches.
Your nails like fish-scales break against
the cool shadow of its noon, and the silence. Speak.
Even the fish have voices, even the rough
hush of the trees, even the birds.You press your body
to the dark-loomed sediment and learn its silence, touch the red
heat of your mouth to the rock and learn the syllables
of its unspeech. Speak.

Birds watch you writing the mangled sign of your name
wet hair strung across the tangled mats of cress,
white fingers and their fish-belly pallor, your white lips
kissed against the petals of the lilies.You can speak
their silence back to them so well, so well.

 

Buy your copy of The Other City now: £9.99
Join our free, no-purchase-necessary Seren Book Club for 20% off every time you shop with us

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Seren Advent Calendar: 24 days of offers

Seren Advent Calendar 24 days of offers

Here’s a special Seren advent calendar– instead of chocolate, you’ll find 24 fantastic book offers to enjoy.

Each day in December we’ll reveal a different book, available half price for one day only. We’ll have a range of poetry, fiction, biography, art, photography and Welsh interest titles included, so there are sure to be surprises to delight everyone.

We’ll be updating this blog post every day with the latest offer, so keep your eyes peeled!

1st December: 50% off Wales’ Best One Hundred Churches
2nd December: 50% off Masque
3rd December: 50% off Leslie Norris: The Complete Poems
4th December: 50% off Star-Shot
5th December: 50% off Losing Israel
6th December: 50% off Significance
7th December: 50% off A Formula for Night: New and Selected Poems
8th December: 50% off Writing the Picture
9th December: 50% off The Immigration Handbook
10th December: 50% off American Sycamore
11th December: 50% off The Road to Zagora
12th December: 50% off House of Small Absences
13th December: 50% off Borderlands
14th December: 50% off Limestone Man
15th December: 50% off A Boat Called Annalise
16th December: 50% off The Harp in Wales
17th December: 50% off Morlais
18th December: 50% off Newspaper Taxis: Poetry After The Beatles
19th December: 50% off Men Who Played the Game
20th December: 50% off
Swimming on Dry Land
21st December: 50% off Playing House
22nd December: 50% off The Rivalry of Flowers

23rd December: 50% off the New Stories from the Mabinogion complete signed box setNew Stories from The Mabinogion box set
£100
   £50
In New Stories from the Mabinogion ten great authors have taken the Celtic myth cycle as a starting point to give us masterly re-workings with a modern twist in a series both various and wonderful. This box set contains all ten contemporary tales, signed by the authors – Owen Sheers, Gwyneth Lewis, Horatio Clare, Cynan Jones, Niall Griffiths, Russell Celyn Jones, Tishani Doshi, Fflur Dafydd, Lloyd Jones and Trezza Azzopardi.

 

Each offer ends at midnight on the specified day.

 

 

 

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Forget Black Friday – get set for a Civilised Saturday

Forget the madness and stress of Black Friday and let’s all have a lovely Civilised Saturday.

Launched last year by booksellers, Civilised Saturday is a day for cosiness and comfort, an antidote to the deep discounts and high stress levels of Black Friday. We’re eager to do our part to enhance your Christmas shopping experience and help you have a thoroughly relaxing day (or two) at home. So for this weekend only, enjoy free postage and free tea with every order. Your books will be whisked across the country to you free of charge, and delivered with the perfect pick-me-up – a lovely, warming cup of tea (just add hot water!)

Civilised Saturday free tea free postage

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So go on, put your feet up and do your Christmas shopping in style. And when that order arrives, we don’t blame you if you keep it all to yourself..

 

Our special Civilised Saturday offer ends midnight, Sunday 27 November, giving you a full weekend to take advantage from the comfort of home. Don’t miss out – shop now at www.serenbooks.com

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NaNoWriMo: How to write a novel – advice from Seren novelists

how to write a novel advice from Seren novelists

It’s November and that means NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) has begun. If you’re not familiar with it, NaNoWriMo is a worldwide writing challenge, where participants have one month (1st–30th November) to write a 50,000 word novel.

Are you taking on the challenge? Perhaps you’re in need of a little motivation? Or maybe your novel has been in the works for a while now, and you need some guidance to get it finished? Whatever the case, Seren novelists are here to help.

Take a look below for some novel writing tips from the experts. Whether your novel takes a month or a year, we know you can do it.

Bethany W Pope author of Masque1. Start by letting your mind wander where it will. Taking long walks helps. Don’t ever say ‘no’ to an idea, however ridiculous or obscene it seems at first. Every idea is a seed; it’s best to let it grow. (Bethany W. Pope, author of Masque)

 

Jayne Joso author of My Falling Down House2. Don’t begin until the ideas preoccupy your thoughts, until you have read and researched to a point of exhaustion, until your mind is full of the world of the book, and the characters inhabit it freely. Things will change and move, grow, and diminish, and some will brutally be cut, but if you begin with a world that you can see, characters that you are beginning to know, then, when you settle down in the quiet to write, the world of your novel will begin to emerge as though by itself. Research more as you go, as you need to; sleep well, exercise and eat well, and always have something else to read. Stay with the world of your book in your mind, and switch off when you need to, sleep some more, run or swim some more. Then write and write, with fight, with joy. (Jayne Joso, author of My Falling Down House)

Bethany W Pope author of Masque3. Eventually you’ll spot your characters. Once you’ve seen them, the best way to capture what they’re like on the page is by inhabiting them, mentally. Use the actor’s method. Wear the skin of the role that you’re playing; write as if you are them and the writing will breathe. This is easier than you might think — after all, you are them, really; or they are aspects of you. Even the bad guys. Especially the bad guys. They’re parts of your psyche that you never let out. (Bethany W. Pope, author of Masque)

Jo Mazelis author of Significance4. There are two ways to approach a novel: some writers plot the whole work in advance, others begin with a vague idea, character or situation, then plunge in allowing organic development to occur. Neither is right or wrong, but there are certain advantages to both, every writer will discover along the way which works best for them. (Jo Mazelis, author of Significance)

Bethany W Pope author of Masque5. When it comes to the actual writing, do it wherever you can. By this, I mean that you should write wherever you can actually produce work. My top two choices are at the gym (I think best whilst moving — the stepper is my friend) and while sitting in my (empty) bathtub with a budgie on my head. There is no ‘should’ when it comes to writing. If it works for you, do it and give no thought to what other people think about it. You have to if you want to finish the job at hand. Once the story starts coming it will continue to come. If you love it, you will finish it. That which we cannot live without is that which we love. (Bethany W. Pope, author of Masque)

Jayne Joso author of My Falling Down House6. Drink whiskey, drink tea. Plan, don’t plan. Write. Tear it up. Start again, as you like… but finally, remember, there ain’t no way round but through, so just write the darn thing! (Jayne Joso, author of My Falling Down House)

 

Bethany W Pope author of Masque7. Do not worry about proofreading or editing until after the first draft is finished. Get it out, as fast as possible, even if it’s rough. It’s much, much easier to edit a finished manuscript than a few measly pages. But once it’s out of your head, for the love of God, go over it with a fine-toothed comb. Remove all the nits and every last tangle before sending it out to meet the world. It’s your child, after all. It deserves a clean face. (Bethany W. Pope, author of Masque)

 

We hope these helpful tips from our talented authors give you the push you need to get that novel finished – however long it takes.

‘I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.’
– Douglas Adams

 

 

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Free extracts from our favourite Halloween books: read them if you dare…

read these free extracts from our favourite Halloween books

Get yourself in the Halloween spirit – read these chilling extracts from our favourite spine-tingling stories.

trick or treat: happy Halloween from Seren

Ritual, 1969 by Jo MazelisRitual 1969 by Jo Mazelis
From ‘The Twice Pricked Heart’:

 

When Margaret returned to the cottage she saw that her father and stepmother had retired to bed, though it was not yet night.
She put Esmerelda in a chair and the child settled down to sleep as she sang softly to her. The light in the room was made strange by the dark sky and glittering snow. The quiet of the house seemed to swell with each passing second. Margaret sat upon the settle and took up the workbasket and began to mend her father’s shirt. It was torn under the arm and this she made good before turning it over to inspect it for other signs of wear. She froze at what she saw, for there on the chest where it lay over his heart she found a small puncture hole, the edges of which were stained in a halo of what must be dried blood. She gasped to see this for to her mind such a wound was unlikely to strike the same place twice.
A chill crept over her flesh and looking up she saw that the sun was at the lowest point in the sky and shadows filled the room. Then while she looked about her she saw a movement in the darkest corner of the room that she likened to a moving cloth, such as a woman’s cloak, for there was a sort of fluttering wavelike movement to it. Never had she perceived the like before and there was nothing in the room to cast such a shadow.
She kept to her place too terrified to move or make a sound, then just at the moment when she had made up her mind to gather Esmerelda in her arms and flee the house, she heard a step upon the stair and there was the sailor’s eldest daughter, dressed in her shift and a wrap, her cheeks aglow, her eyes bright and her lips red and wet and swollen.
‘Bring me cheese,’ she said, ‘and bread and wine.’

Want to keep reading? Buy your copy of Ritual, 1969 now: £8.99

 

Sugar Hall Tiffany Murrayfrom Sugar Hall by Tiffany Murray:

 

His cry echoed in the empty shed, his breath coming out in puffs of white. Dieter thought about London: he thought of the broken buildings and the cracks, he thought of the wide spaces and the rubble, and he thought of all those adventures he was missing. He gazed up at the dust dancing and the cobwebs pulsing, and Dieter heard a noise.

‘Pop!’ it said. Then,‘Pap!’

There were sparks and a shimmer that had to settle. Then, by the window and the filthy crates, there was a boy’s face.

The face was moving as if the boy was already standing up, but there was no body beneath it.

The Cheshire Cat, Dieter thought, as the face moved towards him. He gripped his pa’s crisp shirt tight, he stopped breathing, but he was determined that this time he wouldn’t run away.

The face was making a strange noise, as if tiny wings were fluttering in its throat. Dieter felt the balloon’s skin crackle beneath him; there was electricity: a crackle beneath his bottom and a crackle in the air.

He’s not a duppy, Cyn, Dieter thought, he won’t hurt me.

‘I – I brought you this shirt, these trousers,’ Dieter said. ‘I thought you’d be cold.’

Then Dieter wondered how the boy could use the shirt if he didn’t have a body.

A hot breeze of golden sparks cut through the freezing air and suddenly the boy was all there: his chest, his arms and legs, his neck and around that a silver collar. The boy shook himself and stretched up: Dieter had never seen anyone so naked, not even himself. The boy walked from those filthy storage chests and it was soundless, but Dieter watched the pitpat, pitpat of his footprints in the dust. Pitpat, pitpat; like steps in the sand and no one there.

The boy was thin. He was small, but Dieter couldn’t tell how old he was.

The boy hunched over and bent into a squat. His arms dropped, hands palmup and circling in the dust like little fish. The golden sparks were gone and Dieter saw the boy was pale for all his blackness.

Want to keep reading? Buy your copy of Sugar Hall now: £8.99

 

Masque by Bethany W PopeFrom Masque by Bethany Pope:

 

It was my job to see that she was properly dressed for company, to escort her to the room to meet her lover and the other admiring gentlemen, and then to change the subject any way I could when her natural whimsy took a turn for the disgusting as it often might.

One night, while De Changy was speaking to his managers (this was, you remember, two sets of managers back) she started speaking to a tall, nearly skeletal man who had appeared, dressed in a cloak and dinner jacket, a fine fedora aslant, shadowing a face as bland and unlined as a new-born baby’s. Her laughter had grown its most dangerous edge, the short hairs on my neck, cheeks, and arms rose in fear. La Sorelli was sweet, and she had a good heart, but her tongue could suddenly become impolitic and there were many investors present there this evening.

Annie and the stranger were standing at the point where the glorious stairs that make the Palais Garner famous intersect and form an enormous marble Y, glittering in the light refracted in a thousand tear-shaped crystals that drip from the tremendous chandeliers and gaslight torches. Whoever he was, he stood terribly erect, his gloved hands hidden behind his narrow waist, clutching a fine ebony stick. My friend, who I was meant to be watching, was sloppily drunk, spreading her barely covered breasts against the wide, pink-veined bannister. I could not read his face as he looked at her, his features were oddly stiff, expressionless, but the arch of his body signalled contempt. I rushed to her side, a quickly as I could, pleased that my new silk shoes did not slap against the carved stone stairs, pleased that I did not slip and crack my skull against the pavement…

Want to keep reading? Buy your copy of Masque now: £9.99

 

Bonus: download Jaki McCarrick’s short story, ‘Blood’, for free!
‘Blood’ from The Scattering by Jaki McCarrickShabby academic Fred Plunkett, working alone in his aunt’s Victorian house, has his peace disturbed by a sleek intruder with matt red lipstick, a lampblack dress and high, plastic heels. Lara claims to be researching vampires and the theory that Dracula fled his native Transylvania to take refuge in the Cooley Mountains of Ireland, in Fred’s home town. But when she smiles, submerged thoughts of blood and desire begin to wake in Fred’s mind…

Download ‘Blood’ for free from amazon.co.uk

‘Blood’ is one of nineteen stories in Jaki McCarrick’s critically acclaimed short story collection, The Scattering, available from the Seren website: £8.99

 

 

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Halloween tips for book lovers: have a spooktacular night in

halloween tips for book lovers spooktacular night in

If the thought of venturing outside gives you a fright, then why not stay in for the night? All Hallow’s Eve is right around the corner, and that means frights, delights, and a healthy dose of Halloween literature.

What could be better than a cosy night at home, candles flickering, the wind howling outside, and a good book in your hands? Staying in is the new going out, and we’re here to tell you how to make the most of Halloween from home.

1. Set the scene
It’s all in the detail – hang up some spooky decorations, dim the lights and set some tall candles ablaze.

2. Play that spooky music
Some gorgeously gothic music will set you up for a night of horror. This Best of Dark Classical Music playlist should do the trick.

3. Choose your Halloween reading
Ghost stories, gothic, true crime or thriller – choose your poison. Take a look below for our spooktacular selection of dark and chilling literature…

Masque by Bethany W Pope

Masque, Bethany W. Pope
£9.99
This richly gothic re-telling of Gaston Leroux’s The Phantom of the Opera takes us to 19th Century Paris, where aspiring opera singer Christine is trapped between theatre owner Raoul’s ‘romantic’ vision of her as a bourgeois wife, and the mysterious Phantom’s murderous pursuit of artistic perfection.
Love, lust, adventure, romance, and the monstrous nature of unfulfilled creativity await you here. Everyone wears a mask. Look beneath it, if you dare…

Sugar Hall Tiffany MurraySugar Hall, Tiffany Murray
£8.99
Easter 1955. As Lilia Sugar scrapes ice from the inside of the windows and rust from the locks in Sugar Hall, she knows there are pasts she cannot erase. The red gardens of Sugar Hall hold a secret, and Lilia and her children must confront a history that has been buried but not forgotten.
This superbly chilling ghost story (named by David Mitchell as one of his six favourites) will have you on the edge of your seat.

Ritual, 1969 by Jo MazelisRitual, 1969, Jo Mazelis
£9.99
What are little girls made of? What will they become? From the playground to adulthood the path is beset with misunderstandings, missed dates and hidden traps for the unwary.
This darkly gothic collection of stories explores the unsettling borderland between reality and the supernatural. Ranging from early twentieth-century France to 1960s South Wales and contemporary Europe, Jo Mazelis’ stories portray characters caught up in events and feelings they do not fully understand or control. Not all is as it seems in a world where first impressions may only conceal disguises and false trails – and there’s no going back…

Sean Tyrone A Symphony of HorrorsSeán Tyrone: A Symphony of Horrors, Mark Ryan
£8.99
The brilliantly evoked valleys town of Aberuffern (the mouth of hell) becomes the central motif of this short novel, inspired by the Mexican novel Pedro Paramo by Juan Rulfo.
This is lively, blackly humorous and intelligent storytelling.

 

Witch, Damian Walford Davies
£8.99
With the narrative pull of a novel and the vibrancy of a play for voices, Damian Walford Davies’s Witch offers a thrilling portrait of a Suffolk village in the throes of the witchcraft hunts of the mid-seventeenth century. The poems in this collection are dark spells, compact and moving: seven sections, each of seven poems, each of seven couplets, are delivered by those most closely involved in the ‘making’ of a witch.

Murder-at-the-StarMurder at the Star, Steve Adams
£9.99
The murder of God-fearing, bible-quoting, partially deaf Thomas Thomas at the branch of Star Stores he managed in Garnant, South Wales has remained an unsolved mystery since it happened in 1921. Over £126 was missing from the store safe, yet there were oddities about the attack which suggested this was more than a robbery that went tragically wrong.
In classic cold case fashion, journalist Steve Adams’s extensive researches have finally identified the killer, and the almost century-old case can finally be closed…

Happy Halloween one and all, we hope you have a frightfully good evening.

hoppip halloween art animation film

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International Day of the Girl 2016

international day of the girl

Today is International Day of the Girl, a day designed to raise awareness about gender inequality and the barriers girls come up against, from birth to adulthood. In recognition, here are a few Seren writers whose books highlight the challenges girls and women face.

Six Pounds Eight Ounces, Rhian Elizabethsix pounds eight ounces
‘My first word was clock only it came out as cock. That was when my mother knew I was trouble.’
Rhian Elizabeth’s introduces us to Hannah King, a self-assured young girl brought up in the Rhondda Valley within a community that offers little prospect for her future. Situated in turbulent surroundings, in conflict with family and community, Hannah is pulled towards a dark instability. Both comic and tragic, this is a gripping portrayal of girlhood in Wales.

 

The Way the Crocodile Taught Me, Katrina Naomithe way the crocodile taught me
In Katrina Naomi’s collection we see a girl in fear of her domineering step-father whose ‘flashing anger’ (‘Portrait of my Step-father as a Xmas Tree’) threatens to bubble up at every turn. We see the trials a woman can face: sexual assault, aggression, misuse. This is an emotive collection that refuses to shy away from depictions of violence and abuse, yet remains resolutely uplifting.

 

 

folk music sheenagh pughFolk Music, Sheenagh Pugh
Set in a country lying somewhere between Wales and central Asia, in a time which might be the middle ages or the near-present, Folk Music is a work of fiction that draws parallels with the oppressive, patriarchal regimes still existing today. Central to the story is the convention that, on marriage, a woman does not speak to anyone, except in private to her husband, until the birth of her first child. Pugh explores the possibility for both oppression and empowerment in this subtly-entwined narrative, which asks whether the abandonment of tradition is a positive thing, or may leave us only with rootlessness and dislocation.

 

fighting-pretty-smallFighting Pretty, Louise Walsh
Walsh peers into the macho world of boxing with tenderness and telling humour. Reeling from divorce, jobless and living back home with her embittered father, Lizzie throws everything she has into training to be a boxer. Despite battles with her weight and other demons, Lizzie fights on, determined someday box for Wales, and wear the coveted red vest. This story breaks down the barriers separating men and women in sport, just as the Olympics have begun to give women better representation (in 2012, for the first time, 10 men’s Boxing events at the London Olympics were joined by three women’s events).

 

the tip of my tongue trezza assopardiThe Tip of my Tongue, Trezza Azzopardi
This re-telling of the Mabinogion story Geraint and Enid transforms a medieval heroine who won’t be silenced into a brace 1970’s girl from downtown Splott in Cardiff, who, no matter how difficult the circumstances, always seems to get the last word.
The original Enid from Celtic mythology defends her misguided husband by warning him of approaching villains, even though he has forbidden her to speak. Trezza Azzopardi’s young Enid is also unlikely to respect a gagging order.

 

This list features just a few of the many talented Seren women writers. Discover them all on our website.

 

Want to get involved with International Day of the Girl? Join the conversation online by using the hashtag #DayoftheGirl on Twitter.

 

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Short Story of the Month | ‘Intervals in making lace’ by Diana Powell

short story intervals in making lace diana powell

Our new short story of the month is ‘Intervals in Making Lace’ by Diana Powell. This is one of a collection of stories set in the Black Mountains, where a group of women artists gather to work. As they do so, they spin tales of their childhoods, coloured by the folklore and landscape of their surroundings. But what do they really remember?

Diana Powell Intervals in making laceDiana Powell was born and brought up in Llanelli, and studied English at Aberystwyth University. She writes mainly short stories and novels. She won the last PENfro short story prize, and the 2013 Allen Raine Award. This year, she was a runner-up in the Cinnamon competition, and was longlisted for the Sean O Faolain, and the Over the Edge. Her work has appeared in a number of print publications, including The Lonely Crowd and Brittle Star.

 

Intervals in making lace

This is an extract. Read the full short story for free on our website.

 

………

………………..

…………………………

How do you describe a gap? It is, after all, a place with nothing there. You could say ‘an opening with two clear ends’ perhaps – like a break in a fence or a mountain pass (both easily found in our hilly, farm-shod landscape). Or holes in a fishing net; a clearing in a wood …  to let water out; to let light, animals, people, gather.

All these are gaps. All physical entities (although there is nothing there). There are plenty of examples both natural and man-made, difficult, but not impossible, to explain.

But how do you make sense of the other kind of gap – the less substantial, belonging to the mind, or the spirit?

Recently, I have been enduring such a gap in my life: a break in its normal proceedings. An accident. It was an accident: all my own fault, of my own making. There is no one else to blame.

Just like then, whatever they may have said.

‘Foolish Bron! Daydreaming again!’ Words from the past echo down to me. The voices of my mother and father, or sisters, fondly scolding. ‘Off in cloud-cuckoo-land, Bron? Again?’ True, then; true, now. For yes, I was daydreaming. You’d think I would have learnt … I had learnt! For a long time, I had! But no, my thoughts wandered away, and my body followed, leaving the stove on, and the towel draped too close. Easily done; it could happen to anyone! Though there are, no doubt, those who whisper about my fondness for a glass of whisky; a second glass. Those such as the old women in the Square, who tutt behind me as the till girl in Mace slips the bottle into a brown paper bag; all the while dismissing and excusing, somehow, their own favoured tipples – as if sherry and gin do not count as the devil’s potions, brewed to steal your wits and lead you to Hell.

But there was no whisky that night, though I am happy to admit to it on other occasions. After all, it is a quick, easy way of making gaps in your existence, if that is what you are after.

So … there was a fire, as testified by those who pulled me from it, and by the charred detritus of my worldly goods – and of my body. Yes, my body bears witness, but not my mind. Not my consciousness, for I remember nothing. Even the knowledge of the stove and tea towel were presented to me later. Lucky, some say. Better that way – to have been pushed into such dense oblivion by the fumes, and to fall from that into an even deeper chasm of unconsciousness (the greatest depth of my gap), so that I did not know the worst of the pain, or the prodding, patching and finishing that was needed to put me back together again, into some reasonable fashion. Did not know … until I finally woke and had to face the torment, and battle through it (such floundering, such darkness, then!) Making tentative steps forward into painful reality, interspersed with welcome lapses back into insensibility … one step forward, two steps back. Onwards, upwards, until…

Until I am here. Now. Again. Yes, I have come through on the other side. For there is always this about gaps – the suggestion that they can be bridged or crossed; that they are something to emerge from. It may take time, and much effort. But, with some luck, and hope, you can make it. Maybe.

That is how it seems to me now – now that I am trying to put my life back together, and make sense of it all. Yet, in truth, none of what happened should have been strange to me. I should have been prepared. I should have known all about absences from consciousness; lapses from reality. I should have remembered. But back then we called such things by different names. We wrapped them in strange words, or wove them into magical imaginings, all meant to cloak, disguise or simply hide them. And so the truth was left unsaid, replaced by uncertainty and bewilderment. Another kind of gap; a deep, churning river that you struggled through, leaving you reaching for understanding like a drowning man gasping for air. But since I came back here, amongst you, memories have been returning – not from the accident, but from my earliest years, as if they are needed now. Like the echoing words, they flash into my mind, clear, not clouded. And beyond them, something else is taking shape – something not fixed, yet, not fully revealed, but which, if I start with what is definite, will also, perhaps, become more clear, so that I, too, will have some kind of story…

 

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