The Longest Farewell
‘A cry from the heart that is a triumph of love over despair. Fear, guilt and anger are all here, but so too is real compassion and a genuine urge to make a difference.’ – Alan Titchmarsh
When Nula’s husband James, a documentary film-maker, becomes forgetful they put it down to the stress of his work. But his behaviour becomes more erratic and inexplicable, and he is diagnosed with Pick’s Disease, an early onset and aggressive form of dementia. Suddenly their lives change from comfortable middle-class creatives through unexplainable behaviour, the shock of diagnosis, coping with the ongoing illness, not coping with the illness, to the indignities of care home life.
The Longest Farewell is a moving description of James’ utter mental and physical deterioration, and the effect that it had both on him and on the people from whom he was involuntarily retreating, particularly Nula, who gives up her international practice as an interior designer to care for him. Her life is completely taken over by James’ illness: her frustration at trying to cope, her guilt at having to hand over his care to professionals in England, are just part of her at times harrowing story.
With James in care and left with seemingly little to do but wait for his death, Nula meets Bonnie, another resident at the care home suffering from the same condition. In turn she meets Bonnie’s husband, the broadcaster John Suchet, and the similarity of their positions becomes a bond between them. After the deaths of James and Bonnie, and some guilt-induced false starts, Nula’s story takes a bitter-sweet turn: they become partners, and eventually marry.
The Longest Farewell is a heartfelt yet inspiring account of dealing with dementia, and of unexpectedly finding a happy ending. It includes colour photographs of the main characters, and is set to become a feature film.
Nula and her husband John joined us as part of the Seren Stay-at-Home Series to discuss the challenges faced by dementia sufferers and their families. You can watch it back on our Youtube channel now.